Friday, October 23, 2009

Story Time

Episode 1001

The stones clattered from beneath the pony's feet and echoed down the hillside. This wasn't a good way to descend, but it was the only way it could get down alive. And it was bad enough they had stolen it without having killed it, too.

Elon put her hand on it's muzzle and spoke comforting words at it, letting it relax before the next effort. She looked at Paran, who was using the respite to test the animal's load.

"Should we go back?" Elon asked.

Paran glanced back the way they had come and shook her head. "It's too late for that. We're committed. Just try to go slow."

Elon nodded and urged the pony onward and downward. Fortunately, the route wasn't entirely made up of loose stones. There were enough places for them to stop and regroup their courage, and look down and realize how foolish they were being. At least they had had enough sense not to try this late in the day. At Paran's insistence they had camped up on the ridge, using the heavy pines as cover. Tonight they would be camping at the base. Assuming they were still alive to camp.

They made poor time, and when the sun rose high above them to laugh at their effort they were hardly half way. And the going only got worse as they went lower. Loose rock had to go some place, and that place was down. So the new pieces they were kicking joined the countless others already covering the lower slopes.

Elon wanted to complain, but what was the point? It wasn't as if Paran didn't already know. And what was to be done about it anyway? They couldn't go back up. Not now.

Just as she was beginning to think they might make it after all she felt her feet slip out from under her. She instinctively let go of the lead rope. That was a good thing, she hoped. At least she wasn't pulling the pony down on top of her.

The noise from her own fall made it impossible to know if either or both Paran and the pony were on their way down with her. And she was falling too fast to look. Fortunately, there were only fifty or sixty feet left before the ground leveled off so it wasn't long before she came to an unpleasant rest. Stones continued to rain down upon her and she warded her head with her arms until she was certain it was over.

She lifted her head and looked up the hill. Paran was trying to hurry the pony down at an angle. At least they hadn't fallen.

"Elon! Are you okay?" Paran called.

Elon got to her knees. "I think so."

"Move away from the debris field, in case we fall, too. I'm hurrying as fast as I dare."

"Don't. I'm okay. There's no need for you to come down like I did. I don't appear to be bleeding, apart from a couple of cuts, and nothing seems broken."

"Then find a place to wait."

The wait wasn't terribly long. In the end, Paran and the pony also slid down, but not nearly so far. The pony had fallen first so Paran came down on top. Also, the pack helped prevent serious injury.

Elon hurried over.

14 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I like this. I wonder where they're going.

Wings in the Night said...

I can do this in a variety of ways. Right now I'm wondering whether to keep posting in 500 to 600 word segments, or whether to just post a segment, give a quick overview of what happens next, and then post later on in the story.

Any thoughts?

fairyhedgehog said...

I'd rather not miss out bits but I wonder what others will say.

Wings in the Night said...

I'm not sure anyone else is visiting anymore. But if you don't mind getting the story in 600 word installments I will keep going like this. I'll give each episode a couple of days before I post again, just in case anyone else does come along.

writtenwyrdd said...

Thanks for the contest linky love! We have eleven entries at the moment, and several more were sort of promised.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very interesting. Got a little lost in the beginning with the switch from the pony's POV to the people, and for some odd reason, I first thought it was a donkey, but the rest is really good.

I'm still here, just not able to come over as often. I usually read blogs in the mornings and I've had a lot of morning meetings at work.

What are you looking for in posting these?

Wings in the Night said...

writtenwyrdd: That's great! You're going to get your twenty.

Wings in the Night said...

Sarah: I'm glad you're still visiting.

That first paragraph probably could be rewritten. Starting out is always hard.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I guess I was feeling my other posts weren't amounting to much so I should just put up a story and see how readers react to it.

I'm posting it as I write it, so you're getting it as it comes. This means any comments you make about it will probably be reflected in subsequent episodes.

I guess you should comment as you feel led. Since I'm putting it on a blog there is no real chance it can ever be published for money.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Since I'm putting it on a blog there is no real chance it can ever be published for money.

This is not a true statement.

If this is a short story, then yes, you're giving up first publication rights if you post a significant amount of the story. What's a significant amoutn? Dunno. And that is only first pub rights, not reprint rights.

If this is part of a novel - you're not giving up anything, unless you plan on posting it all here. And even then, that's the digital rights which differs from hard copy rights.

For example: Yarn Harlot got book deals from her blog and those books include her blog posts. Not sure if that's all that's in her books. I doubt it is. And she's still blogging. And still putting out new books.

Sarah Laurenson said...

As for the story and feedback - that's entirely up to you. If you'd like encouragement, light critique, intense critique...

We writers look for different things at different points in our writing.

Wings in the Night said...

I didn't know that about blogs. Guess that was obvious. I once submitted something (got rejected) and their guidelines were very clear about not wanting anything that had ever been on a blog before. That must have just been a thing for them.

Wings in the Night said...

We all want encouragement, but encouragement can be found in constructive criticism.

I'm not against criticism, as long as it isn't about being picked on. And I don't think you're that type. A person can't write the things you have without knowing how it feels to be another person.

I'm a writer. I want to get better. Nothing I've submitted so far has been purchased, although I did win one blog contest and came in second on antoher. But I'm not sure those count.

So, I guess I'm saying tell me what you think will help. If I can't take it I'll let you know.

Sarah Laurenson said...

I sent you an e-mail with more comments.

Wings in the Night said...

Thank you. I'm reading it now. I'll reply via email.

Thanks