Sunday, October 25, 2009

Story Time

Episode 1002

"Paran, are you all right?"


Paran's face screwed up in apparent disgust. "Yes. My own fault. I thought I could quicken the pace. Serves me right. What about the pony?"

The pony was struggling to get up but the pack was making it hard. Elon began undoing the straps. Elon held onto the lead as the pony got to its feet. Paran examined it. After a few minutes she sighed.

"Well, he doesn't seem to be hurt. Let's find a place to stake him out so he can eat and relax."

Spring was still fresh, but it had been a warm winter and already most of the snow was already gone, even from some of the high places. So finding a place for the pony to eat wasn't hard. There wasn't a lot in any one place, but there was enough to satisfy the pony.

Elon went to Paran, who was examining their packs. She looked up the hill.

"Do you think they're coming after us?"

Paran didn't look up. "Probably."

The short answer felt like a slap in the face, and Elon nearly fell back. She shouldn't have said anything.

"You're still mad about the pony?"

"We've been over this a dozen times, Elon."

"But we really needed him."

This time Paran's sigh showed exasperation.

"Yes! I agreed with you. Remember? Having the pony meant we could bring more supplies. But you must admit that taking your brother's pony means we now have him to worry about, too. If it had just been Kerr we would probably be free now. I don't see Kerr traipsing this far just to catch a runaway bride."

"I don't know. Kerr is a bit of a pig head."

Paran laughed. The sound lifted Elon's heart.

"That he is. And father had the nerve to say I would be happy with him. Hmph! As if anyone could be happy with Kerr."

Encouraged by Paran's laughter, Elon sat down.

"I'm glad you ran away from him, Paran."

Paran must have sensed something in Elon's voice for she stopped what she was doing and turned. Her expression was comforting.

"You're still upset about the slide?"

Elon smiled. She could never fool Paran. Whatever her mood, Paran seemed to sense it and respond accordingly. It was one of the things Elon loved about her. She could be tough when she needed to be, but in her heart she was gentle and loving.

"I was so scared when you fell."

The two young women held eye contact for several minutes. For Elon, it was enough just to be with Paran. When she had learned of Paran's betrothal to Kerr she had taken sick. Then, when Paran had confided her plan to slip away, Elon had improved the plan (she felt). She had taken Amos, her brother's sturdy pony, and laden him with two heavy packs filled with spare clothing and food stuffs. She had even remembered to bring seeds for planting a vegetable garden. Assuming they could find a place to farm.

Suddenly, Paran smiled. Elon liked her smile. She didn't offer it often, but when she did it was like the sun breaking free from behind a cloud.

"You know, I should have made you stay behind. But I am glad you're here."

Elon felt her heart warm. "You need me."

"That I do."

5 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I don't have any intelligent comments but I just wanted you to know I'm still reading this!

Wings in the Night said...

Thanks. I'm trying to keep episodes in the 500-600 word range. That may be a mistake as it creates artificial breaks in the story. I may abandon that and just go back to writing the story and look for breaks afterward.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very nice. You're weaving in the backstory wonderfully.

There's one place where you say Elon and I think you mean Paran - undoing the pony's straps. And I would not have her begin to undo, just say she undid the straps - especially if you want Elon to do that and hold the lead rope. But that's a style choice.

When you're done, you might want to do a word cloud and see what words you use a lot. Here it seems to be 'but'.

You don't need the (she felt) - it's Elon's POV.

Loving this story. Nice pacing. Interesting character developemnt. You're revealing the developing relationship very nicely.

Wings in the Night said...

I'm finding it difficult, though, to write in short segments like this. I keep checking the word count.

Maybe what I should do is spend a couple of days just writing and then try to find small portions to post at a time.

What do you all think? It would mean fewer story posts in a week. Perhaps only one or two instead of three.

Any preference?

Sarah Laurenson said...

Up to you. I can't get here as often as I'd like so less postings work for me, but I can easily read and comment on multiple ones at a time, too.

This is your blog and your process. Whatever works best for you.