Hello. It's been more than a month since my last post so I would not be surprised if nobody reads this.
A lot of what I write now deals with males and females behaving in a-typical male and female ways. Or, I should say, what the social perception of male and female ways are.
Apart from writing about lesbians, I also put women in dominant roles, both on the "good guys" side and the bad. Men can be subordinate to women and women to men. But in my stories I don't really mention that that is so. The reader can clearly figure that out for herself as Emily, director of the company, is a woman, and Brad, some junior executive, is a man.
I try to treat my characters' roles naturally. Nobody in the story is surprised that Vanessa is a great warrior, or that Gary likes to cook and take care of the house. Nobody gets teased about what they're doing because their job is opposite their gender.
I've read many stories like that and I find that makes those stories so much better. Stories that need to point out how normal something is just do the opposite: they reinforce how UN-natural the writer sees it. To be honest, I do not consciously assign roles to female and male characters - except my main character and main antagonist.
To be honest, I think most people, whatever their visible and vocal declarations are, prefer that as well. What is more, I think, given a chance, people would like to experiment with things like that.
I have heard many people criticize those who get operations to change their gender. Yet I wonder how many of those who make these criticisms do the same thing in the cyber world? I've been doing a little reading on this topic (very little, compared to what is available). All of these chat rooms, make-believe worlds, Twitter and Facebook accounts, and even Blogger, are filled with men and women pretending to be the opposite sex.
I have done it. I have joined a couple of "worlds" online in which one chooses an Avatar and moves about, interacting with others around the real world in this created cyber world. I have been women. I have been men. I have been dark-skinned and light. I have been blonde and brunette. I have been gay and I have been straight.
Why do people do this? Why have I done it?
From what I have read the reasons are probably as varied as there are people doing it, although curiosity seems to be the most frequent reason given. For those of us who have always been the same gender, there is a natural curiosity about what it would be like to be the other. Women see the advantages of being a man much more clearly than men. And in reverse, men see the advantages of being a woman. I think both have more difficulty seeing the disadvantages of the other side.
Apparently, most gender changing is done by men. But that is not to say there aren't plenty of women doing it, too. Perhaps more than is realized.
Apart from curiosity, there are a couple of practical reasons for a woman to choose a male Avatar - particularly in competitive games. One woman wrote to say that she had joined an online community game which allowed for players to form teams. She wanted to lead her own team, but found few players willing to join a team led by a woman. (Sexism exists even in the cyber world.) So she created a new Avatar and found plenty of able and strong characters willing to submit to her authority and leadership. Meanwhile, a man wrote that he was having difficulty advancing his character in an online game community he had joined. So he switched. Suddenly, he found "male" characters falling all over themselves to him him/her out.
What I found comforting was that the instances of "perversion" being a motivating factor seem to be low. It exists, just like in the real world. But mostly it is people experimenting in a way which is - mostly - harmless. I say mostly because there are risks.
I read how a man (real world and game world) had got to know a female game character. Their relationship blossomed to the point where the man began to believe he was falling in love for real. He began to pressure the female character to let him call her for real. That was when the female character had to admit she was really an old man in the real world. Quite a shock.
But that exmemplifies something I have believed for some time now: true love is not based on gender. It is based on two people connecting in such a way that they wish to bond together. For some people (men and women), this is far more likely to happen with a woman than a man. For others (again, men and women) it will be with men. We call the women who fall in love with women, lesbians. Men we call, gay. But perhaps the day will come when we simply call them lovers. Husband and wife. Marriage partners.
For myself, I find when I feel a need to be sexy, slinky, and greatly desired, I will put on my female Avatar. I have yet to find a site that creates unattractive and poorly proportioned characters. When I want to "be in charge", I will put on my male Avatar.
Am I being sexist? Yes. I guess I am. But to me, that is one of the beautiful things about pretending. I can be anything I want. They're all just characters I can put on and take off like a sweater. Some fit tigher than others. And some are more comfortable. But woman or man, none of them are really me. Any more than the characters my characters interact with are real. That's probably the saddest thing about pretending. It isn't real.
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6 comments:
I'm just re-eading the fantasy story The Door Into Fire by Diane Duane. I think you'd like it. There, people can sleep with who they choose, and male/male and female/female pairings are as accepted as any other.
Like you say, it's a pity it's not real.
Thanks. I'll see if I can't find a copy.
First, let me just say that thanks to google reader, people will know when you post so I doubt you'll be forgotten after a lag.
Re gender bending in online communities, I think that it's probably done for the reasons you describe: Just because they want to see how working that role will work, or because they discern some sort of advantage (as the male role playing avatars provide.)
I doubt it's perverse or done to cause harm either.
As a side note, what you say about love not being so much about gender, etc. is true IMO as well. But in the case of someone falling for someone they have never met, I think it may also, at least some of the time, be more of a case where the one who falls in love is really having more of a relationship in their head as opposed to one with the person with whom they are interacting. I've seen it even in real life, as when a teen gets a huge crush on someone they've never even spoken with. And adults can do it, too. Women seem to be more susceptible to that sort of thing from what I've seen, but anyone could succumb to that tendency to hope/wish/see more into the online relationship than is really there.
Just some speculation, not a disagreement.
Huh. Well thought out.
Interesting to read that you have to assume the avatar that fits your mood and that fits the stereotypical aspects as well. That means that we are not really getting there in terms of equality in one respect and yet we are in another as each side gets to experience - a bit - what it's like to walk in the other's shoes.
It's hard in any world to gain respect as a woman. If a woman has a strong personality, she's considered cold or a bitch. A man who acts the same is considered forceful and powerful. Conversely if a man were to take on the "female" role at home, then he's considered a sissy - for lack of a better term, while a woman doing the same chores would not be thought of much at all. At least not in any derogatory way.
I have chosen "male" occupations as those are the ones that interest me. Writing for children, on the other hand, is a bit more universal - though skewed to the female population.
There was a society on an African island that had cultural role reversal. The woman led and chose their mates. The men prettied themselves up for the women - including wearing perfume. Of course, contact with the rest of us screwed their culture rather completely.
Writtenwyrdd: Yes, I agree. Online love most often takes place inside one's own head. We imagine all sorts of things which may, or may not, be true. And adults are indeed susceptible. I have felt the tug of imagination, pulling at my own sense of reality. I have had to sit back (literally) from the keyboard and think about what is going on.
Sarah: Yes. I know. I feel bad that I actually perpetuate the problem online by giving in to the stereotypes of "male/female".
Western culture has come a long with as regards women, but true equality does not exist in the minds of many men - and even a fair number of women, I am sorry to say.
Back in the 1980s I remarked to a co-worker that the United States would see a black man elected president before any woman. I thought I might be wrong when Hilary Clinton ran in 2008. But the national press was so condescending toward her she lost credibility in the eyes of many.
Not that Barach Obama is bad. But Hilary didn't lose. She was shunted aside.
Some day there will no longer be "male" jobs, or "female" jobs. There will just be jobs.
Maybe if enough guys pretend to be women in these online worlds and realize what a nuisance and annoyance it is to be hit on every five seconds they will begin to see the light.
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