For years I have wondered about myself. What would I really be like if I were comepletely left to my own with no fear of repurcussion?
To be honest, I'm not sure.
I like the frilly daintiness which is assumed with being "pretty". At the same time, I like being "tough".
What I have discovered over time is that "pretty" isn't always what I think it is. I have met more than few people who, at first encounter, strike me as plain, or even unattractive. Then, as I get to know them, they become more and more beautiful. Some have even become sexy. Do I dare blush to say that?
Still, when I imagine myself as being "pretty", I have a definite image in mind. I guess that shows prejudice on my part. For while Tahira (not her real name, but the same meaning) was about the most beautiful person I knew, kind, loving, and gentle in spirit, she was also sixty pounds overweight. And despite the fact that by the time we parted ways I saw her as a very sexy woman because of her spirit, I don't think of Tahira when I think pretty. I feel bad about that, too. But there is physical and there is spiritual. The spiritual is better, but it's hard not to be influenced by the physical.
The concept of who is pretty and who isn't is mean. How many women (and men) have suffered because the world around them declares they are NOT pretty? I remember Tahira coming into the office one day (she was my supervisor, and we shared a small enclosed office with one other) and breaking down and crying. I quickly closed the door so the whole company wouldn't know. When she collected herself she told me why she was crying. She had gone to the store the day before with her little boy. Walking from the car there were teenagers nearby who saw her. They made rude and horrible remarks about how fat she was. It bothered her at the time, although she managed to not cry then. But she couldn't forget it, and now, at work with me, she broke down and released her feelings.
It tortured me to hear that someone so beautiful was being so mistreated. It cut me, because when I had been in school I had done my share of teasing others for being fat. My pennance is that I am now fat. Serves me right, I suppose.
Why did I bring this up? Because I tend to write my main characters as being my idea of pretty. I guess it's because I so want to be pretty, and the only place I can is in make-believe. But part of writing is to be real, so maybe I should consider writing about the poor girl/woman who doesn't fit the world around her's idea of pretty.
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6 comments:
There are a lot of physically 'beautiful' people in this world. I used to 'fall in love' with them in that weird fan sort of way. And then I started to listen when they opened their mouths. Physical 'perfection' and Hollywood's idea of what is beautiful clash with what I believe to be beautiful.
But that's taken me a long time to discover.
It's a dilemma.
In my Nano this November one of my MCs is a tradtionally beautiful woman and the other isn't. Maybe I'm hedging my bets!
Sarah: You are so right. And it isn't just Hollywood people. I think when parents, teachers, and sundry see that a child is physically 'beautiful' according to world standards, they teach them to be selfish, arrogant prigs. Only the best of them are able to overcome this teaching.
It's been a few years now since I began to recognize the beauty in 'unbeautiful' people. Maybe this acceptance of them is the beginning of accepting myself?
fairyhedgehog: Nothing wrong with hedging your bet.
I need to have more non-traditional main characters. They're more like real people.
Accepting myself was a long arduous journey, but so worth the effort. There are things about me that I still discover and need to work on. We are all works in progress - some make progress faster than others. Some can seem stuck in one place.
For those who are stuck - I think of how miserable it must be not to change and grow and become a better person. And for some of those 'Christians', I think of how miserable it must be to live in hate. I know real Christians who live by what Jesus taught - to the best of their ability. They are wonderful people and they seem very happy with themselves and their lives.
Sarah: Yes, it is a journey and not a one-time achievement. Even those who seem to 'have made it' are still growing.
To not grow is death. Even stalactites and stalagmites grow.
I agree with you about Christians. If those stuck in hate are at all like me, then I think the reason they are stuck is because they are afraid to grow.
Fear is the real enemy. It keeps us from being what we can be, and drives us to hurt others.
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